Alright, let’s start off this TED Talk discussion by asking two questions: How many of you have siblings? Are you the oldest, middle or youngest child? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, this TED talk will interest you.
I myself have a younger sister, her name is Erika and many of you mayknow her. Both she and I share similar traits, such as height, our social anxiety issues and our love for animals. However, despite public conceptions we are very different.
For example, I am a very uptight high-strung person who gets stressed very easily. I am an overachiever, a perfectionist, typically anti-social. I ama secret rock and metal head who worships to the music of bands like Met allica,Billy Talent, Pearl Jam, Rush and Iron Maiden. I spend my free time reading science books and writing. You can say that I’m a dork.
On the other hand, my sister is basically the polar opposite. Let’s just say she isn’t so focused on school studies. She too is a perfectionist, but with her artwork (because she is the artist). She tends to be much more laidback and relaxed. She is a secret social butterfly. She is obsessed with rap artist Mac Miller, the 80’s, Hockey and Tumblr.
However if you get us in a room together, watch out! We are both very dramatic and when we work together, nothing can separate us. We are stronger as a group, rather than individually.Where I lack, she makes it up and vice versa. Whether we like to admit to each other or not, we love each other. This can prove the differences and the power of the sibling bond.
In this TED Talk entitled “The Sibling Bond”, Jeffery Kluger (senior editor at TIME magazine) discusses the emotional and psychological bond betweensiblings. He states that we should take the time to reconnect with the most important people in our lives, our brothers and sisters. This talk was inspired by Kluger’s best-selling book “The Sibling Effect: What Bonds Among Brothersand Sisters Reveal About Us”. The Sibling Effect takes an in-depth and scientific look at sibling relationships. Hestates that siblings teach each other conflict avoidance and conflict resolution, when to stand up for themselves, when to stand down, they learn love, loyalty, honesty, sharing, caring, compromise, the disclosure of secrets and much more important, the keeping of confidences.
He starts off by telling the story of young father “Elliot”, who’s life ended at the end of 34 years due to alcoholism, depression and morphine addiction. He then throws a plot twist stating that this man was in fact the younger brother of famed "Ted" Theodore Roosevelt. He describes the relationship between the two brothers as being complicated at best. Ted and Elliot constantly battled to outdo each other and be better than the other. Unfortunately for Elliot, all the fame and prosperity leaned towards Ted. He was constantly compared to his brother by others, which many of us can relate to at one pointor another.
He also compares John F Kennedy (Bobby) to his brother Jack. He describes Bobby’s life after Jack died as being successful, but not content. He was glad at the fact that he would no longer have to be compared to him, but was sad at the fact that he lost someone so near and dear to his heart.
Kluger says:
“There may be no relationship that affects us more profoundly that is closer, finer, harder, sweeter, happier, sadder, more filled with joy or fraught with wow than the relationship we have with our brothers and sisters”… “There is power in the sibling bond. It can be a thing of abiding love. Our parents leave us too early, our spouse and children come along too late.Our siblings are the only ones who are with us for the entire ride”
He addresses the impact that sibling relationships have on a person’s life. He discusses the profound bond between brother and sister as one of the only relationships that affects a person’s life throughout his or her entire existence. He discusses memories of his childhood one including locking his youngest brother in the fuse box, but out of protection. This showcases the strong bond he had with his brothers.
He says that siblings do whatever they can do to attract the attention of their parents by determining what their strongest selling points are and marketing them. There is “the funny one”, “the pretty one”, “the athlete” and “thesmart one”. This is called this "De-identification". Sometimes parents contaminate the De-identification process
For example: your brother or sister is captain of the basketball team
If you decided to play basketball, you would probably get at most 50% of the recognition in your family for doing so. Or, you could become president of your school’s chess team and get 100% of the attention in that area. Therefore, if my sister decided to take up belly dance or storm watching, she wouldn’t get as much attention for doing so.
Just like if I decided to take up art
First Borns
First borns tend to be bigger and healthierthan later borns. First borns are likelier to become CEOs, senators, astronauts and they are likelier to earn more money than other children. First borns have a 3 point IQ advantage over second borns and second borns have a 1.5 IQ advantage over later borns, First borns therefore have a 4.5 IQ advantage overlast borns. This is argued to be because of the special attention that first borns get from their parents.
Middle Borns
Most middle borns are the ones who fight harder for recognition in the home. They tend to take a little longer to find their direction in life. They also tend to develop denser and richer relationships outside the home
Last Borns
They are consideredto be “the smallest and weakest cubs in the den”. They have to develop what are called low power skills (the ability to “charm and disarm” and to interpret what's going on in someone else's head). They also tend to be funnier
He later goes on to present us with some facts such as:
* 70% of fathers and 65% of mothers show a preference for at least one child
* 95% of all parents have a favourite child, 5% are lying about it.
* The most common favorite for a father is the last born daughter; the most common favorite for a mother is the first born son.
*There are certain temperamental templates associated with all birth rankings.
* The“serious, striving” first born, the “caught-in-a-thicket” middle born, the“wild child” of a last born.
* Children between the ages 2-4 engage in one fight every 6.3 minutes or 9.5 fights/hour.
* Every person in your house has a one-on-one relationship with every other person
*These relationship pairings are called “dyads”.
For example: In our family (two parents and two children) there are six dyads.
– The mother has a relationship with child A and B, The father has a relationship with child A and B. There's the marital relationship and there is the relationship between the kids themselves.
In conclusion, not only is The Sibling Effect well researched, but Jeffery Kluger’s presentation style makes the talk both informative and entertaining. He simplifies a variety of interesting studies and points out their limitations. For those of you who are highly intrigued by psychological relationships and the connection between siblings, this is the TED Talk for you!
Link to TED Talk
*Note: this is not my formal write up, just a transcript of the slideshow outlining facts from the actual TED talk itself.*
